Choosing to Respond, Not React
I vividly remember the moment that left me questioning everything—not just others, but myself. I was performing a bedside procedure in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU). It was a high-stakes situation that required precision, focus, and teamwork. When I asked for assistance, the nursing staff told me they were too busy to help and suggested the procedure should have been done in the operating room. Despite the urgency, they refused to engage.
Not wanting to take chances, I called for maximum support—fellows, residents, everyone I could gather to ensure the procedure was successful. Inside the room, we had all the help we needed. But as I worked, I glanced outside the patient’s window and saw the nurses, the same ones who claimed they were too busy, eating ice cream and watching us.
That moment felt like a slap in the face. It wasn’t just frustration; it felt personal, like my ability to lead the SICU was being undermined. The incident didn’t just make me question the trustworthiness of my team—it made me doubt my own ability to manage the unit.
Their actions didn’t just sting; they lingered. I began to ruminate. How could I run an effective unit when I couldn’t rely on my team? How could I build a culture of trust when it felt like the foundation had already cracked?
For days, the frustration and self-doubt consumed me. I replayed the situation over and over, stuck in a loop of anger and disbelief. But I realized that I couldn’t let that moment define me or my leadership. Instead, I had to find a way to respond constructively.
The Turning Point: Choosing to Respond, Not React
When emotions are running high, it’s easy to react impulsively. But leadership requires intentionality. I took a step back and asked myself some difficult but necessary questions:
Why did this situation bother me so deeply?
What assumptions was I making about their actions?
How could I address this constructively without letting my emotions take over?
Through this reflection, I learned three crucial lessons:
People’s Actions Are About Them, Not You: The nurses’ refusal to assist wasn’t a reflection of my capabilities as a leader. It was more about their choices and priorities than about me.
Clarity Is Key: Perhaps expectations weren’t as clear as I thought. Did they understand the urgency of the situation? Was there a breakdown in communication about roles and responsibilities?
Trust Is Built Through Communication: Instead of letting frustration fester, I needed to address the situation directly—not to blame, but to understand and create a path forward.
Rebuilding Trust in Myself and My Team
Leadership isn’t about avoiding conflict; it’s about navigating it with intention. Here’s how I started to rebuild trust in myself and my team:
Acknowledging My Emotions: I allowed myself to feel the frustration without letting it dictate my actions. Giving space to my emotions helped me process them constructively.
Leading by Example: Even when trust was low, I committed to showing up as a leader who prioritized communication, collaboration, and solutions.
Setting Clear Expectations: I ensured that everyone on the team understood the importance of collaboration during critical moments and clarified roles to prevent similar situations in the future.
The Lesson
That experience taught me that being a leader isn’t about having every moment go perfectly—it’s about how you handle the moments that don’t. I learned to trust my ability to navigate tough situations and to focus on building a culture of accountability and respect.
Most importantly, I realized that my worth as a leader isn’t defined by one moment of frustration or conflict. It’s about my resilience, my willingness to address issues head-on, and my ability to foster a supportive environment, even in challenging circumstances.
Your Turn
If you’ve ever felt like a moment of betrayal or frustration shook your confidence, remember this: you have the power to rebuild trust—with yourself and others—by choosing to respond instead of react.
Ask yourself: What’s one step I can take today to strengthen trust in myself or my team? Share your thoughts—I’d love to hear your story.
